November and all its cracked up to be (part II)

on a meandering path through weddings and families, reconciliations and reaffirmations, and finally an exclamation point. October 10th saw the marriage of one cousin, on my mother's side, a young woman who lost both parents in the last decade. She's in her twenties and her parents were in their fifties. I don't socialize with most of that side of the family - not quite hatfield and mccoys but the drama of daily life. But the wedding was nice and my sister clapped when she shouldn't have - it was cute. The reception meant I had to dodge and encounter the uncle I despise most but otherwise I survived and as Fr. Tim would say, I had to leave the door open so people could walk through.

Six days later, there was a wedding on the other side of family. While I normally refer to myself as their version of hellspawn, I'll clarify that my stepmother had something to do with their attitudes toward me and now that she's gone back to Indiana and my father is dead, that side of the family has reverted to small town practicality. I'm his oldest daughter, he could be a real jerk, my mother raised me and two handicapped siblings oh and his so called loving second wife pretty took him for all or what little he had. Which doesn't bother me - I don't care about that kind of money but others do, plus they shunned me because of what she told them so they are a little peeved. Like I mentioned before, the door was open, I walked through it, they walked through it and my status as hellspawn as been reduced to somewhat erratic but invited to family events. Most importantly, they let down their grudge against my mother which means I'm not caught in the middle anymore.

The final wedding of Oct/Nov was the most important. Yes, I am VERY biased. Renee is the one pictured with me, Angie and John and she's like a younger sister but more. There are people you would do anything for and she is one of the reasons I'm home - she's 'grounded me' but in a good way. Her wedding was the most fun and I talked to my cousins more that night than I had in years. Her wedding was a bridge between families since her husband knows everyone. It was an amazing night.

Finally, drained but eager to get out of dodge I headed east for one of my adventures - a sci-fi convention. I love to travel outside my comfort zone and Gareth David Lloyd from Torchwood and John deLancie from everything else was going to be there. Leonard Nimoy was in the building but he wasn't worth the $60 dollars I didn't think I had. Of course, the best laid plans...

I hooked up with three other solo con attendees who were all there for different people and we wandered about together, particularly at dinner and breakfast where we sat with the celebrities. My group sat with Corin Nemec (look him up - short version, he's tall and hot). We had a blast. He was charming, funny and extremely easy to talk to. Granted, I've been unemployed for three months, spent far too much time in hospitals, physical and psychological therapy and in really annoyingly uncomfortable interviews but given all of that, it was easily the highlight of the convention. My brain was fairly unfiltered - by nervousness, xanax or not eating enough but I laughed, joked, teased and probably embarassed myself though, I don't care. Its that feeling of freedom when for a moment in time, you're just you, with a tablefull of strangers, listening and contributing and it all feels like this amazing human connection. While I did have a glass of wine or two, I was far more intoxicated by the human interaction buzz.

The rest of the convention had its moments - a picture with Corin giving me a hug and signing it 'Cuddles are for Winners' - trite or not, its not a bad motto.

The universe is an amazing and complicated thing. It hasn't ever been easy and its not meant to be but when it gives back these little glimmers of hope. Reconciliation, freedom to speak freely, a charming man that made me feel accepted - all of that is a message. And before I signoff, be brave and go where you may not have gone before. We know the twisted life we lead as brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, caregivers and managers of adults with developmental disabilities. We need humor to get through our day and its not always perfect humor. I find this web series refreshing - satirical, raunchy, certainly not for the faint of heart but on those darkest days when you need a laugh, check it out.

http://www.crackle.com/c/Star-ving