Dad

In a few days it will be father's day. As I stated before, my father died two years ago.

Its hard to sum someone up, alive or dead, in a way that gives them credit for what they did well but doesn't absolve them of their mistakes. We all make mistakes - that is a given.

So let me say this - I feel sorry that my dad wasn't able to participate fully in our family because of his physical and emotional issues. He was able to 'corral' John when the 'little boy' of the family got rambunctious. He loved us all even if it was hard for him to show it.

But he was gone a lot. I wish he could have been there more. I wish he would have helped change diapers and tried to learn sign language. I wish he would have taken us all somewhere for the day so mom could have time to herself.

We did have some spontaneous trips - to parks, to 7 island and other places up north. I remember us all being in the water by Uncle Albert's cabin and Mom, Dad and I being so proud of Angie and John swimming like the fishes they are.

He's gone now and I miss him. Angie and John don't really comprehend that he is gone. They just know when I'm sad. One of the joys of living with Mom is that we're a family again. Its kind of odd since its 18 years later but sometimes you do get a chance to 'do things differently' as a family unit - maybe we can do it better this time?

Like music therapy. Oh I cannot say enough about that. I wish I'd known more about this when I was younger. Mom too of course. Sometimes you spend so much time trying to get through one crisis after another that you miss the little things you could have had fun doing - like putting together a mix cd and watching the kids reactions and picking out the ones they love the most.

You can only live once and losing our dad really drove that point home. Being with mom again is another chance to enjoy the family and the gifts you get from Adults with Down Syndrome. And how it makes you a better person.